Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
