a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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