It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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