I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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