The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
