Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
