There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
