Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
