It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
