Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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