Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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