Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
