its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
