Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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