My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
