i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
