4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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