Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
