I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
