I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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