I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
