Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
