I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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