I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
