she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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