I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
