sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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