is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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