I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
