You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
