I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
