TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
