Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
