Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
