Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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