Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
