Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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