i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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