I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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