drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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