I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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