Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
