you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
