I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
