The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
