I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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