we're chasing vodka with high fives
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
