btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
