Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
