The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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