my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
