"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
