Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
