I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His nipple licking is glorious
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