I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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